Building parental relationships with schools
We can safely say that teachers today have a lot on their plate: quite apart from the job of teaching, they have to contend with regular monitoring, meetings, preparing children for SATs, GCSE and ‘A’ Level exams and more recently, dealing with the far-reaching impact of Covid-19 and lockdown. Energy price hikes in 2022 have meant that schools are now supporting families affected by an economic crisis the likes of which have not been seen for decades. Taking the time to build and maintain positive parental relationships could seem like yet another demand on a teacher’s time.
Encouraging parental engagement can be challenging for many reasons. Parents may keep their distance because of their own negative experiences of school. To them, school is not a safe place, and it can be hard to separate their past experiences from what is happening with their child in the present. Some parents keep their distance due to a lack of confidence: if English is not their first language, or they are intimidated by a system that is different from when they went to school (phonics, homework and SATs preparation). They may be reluctant to approach or engage with teaching staff.
Whatever the reason, it is incumbent on schools to take the lead in ensuring families are made to feel like a welcomed member of the school community. What stops schools from bringing all parents into the fold?
Teachers are human beings too, and they can be challenged by parents. The teacher training programme probably doesn’t include a module on communicating effectively with families. To build strong relationships, school staff would benefit from reflecting on what stops them from relating effectively to them. It’s easy to focus on the mums and dads who show up at every parents’ evening and make sure their children arrive in school on time, but what about those parents who are a bit ‘shouty’, never sign their child’s reading record, or are nice enough, but not necessarily easy to engage with?
How can teachers move beyond their comfort zones to establish relationships with ‘hard to reach’ families?
There are two things schools can do in the first instance:
1. Begin with the end in mind. Fast forward to the end of the academic year and ask the question: how do we want parents to feel about us as a school as we close for the summer holidays?
2. Uncover what stops parents from being involved in school life. How do you view different sections of the parent body? Are you more comfortable with some than with others?
A survey could be a helpful tool in finding out how parents are feeling, although it’s important to make sure it’s accessible to all parents. For example, would it need to be translated and made available in paper form? Honest conversations with all staff are essential. Teaching Assistants, for example,are the eyes and ears of the teacher. They will be having conversations with pupils and families that teachers don’t have, because there’s no time or they don’t know how to forge connections with parents. Recognising the value and cultural and social perspectives that non-teaching staff bring to the school community is a good step towards building relationships with parents.Another one is looking at howeffective the PTA is at makingall parents feel welcome and organising activities that are authentically inclusive, rather than a tick box exercise.
Closing the relationship gaps
Taking the time to understand parents’ perspectives can make a significant difference. Perhaps the parent you find confrontational doesn’t trust teachers and their style of communicating may be their way of protecting their children from a teacher who poses an existential threat.
When it comes to building parental relationships, communication in all its forms – verbal, written and face-to-face – makes all the difference. How you communicate can win over or alienate parents, so do an honest audit of how you’ve communicated with parents over the last, say three months. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How confident were you of a positive and constructive outcome?
- Did you get the result you desired?
- What was your sense of how the parent felt?
- How did they respond to you?
- Did they understand what you were trying to achieve?
- Were they on board with your efforts to ensure their son or daughter’s attendance record (or whatever the issue was) improves?
- How was the conversation left?
- What, if anything, did you learn at the time you were in communication and on reflection, what would you do differently?
Once you know where the gaps in your communication are, you can start to close them in such a way that you begin to win parents over by being authentic. Communication is the key to building good relationships with parents. When children see that their teachers and parents are working as a team, they will feel secure and confident.
For more ideas about how to build good relationships with parents, listen to the conversation at Building positive relationships between parents and teachers (educationsupport.org.uk) getting the best out of parent-teacher relationships.